to you only :)

HEY NINOSHKA! MY LETTER WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.. BUT BLOGSPOT WONT LET ME ==' IMA JUST SEND IT THROUGH.. EMAIL? YES EMAIL. CHECK YO EMAIL! ;)

AWKWARD;

okay . awkward;AWKWARD;AWKWARD;AWKWARD;AWKWARD;AWKWARD; !!

i just got home from 6pm mass.. and your choir was singing today. so you were there obviously playing guitar. i remember I'd come with you to practice 2hours before mass. then id sit by the choir for the hour and wait for you to finish afterward. i remember all of that.. but today was the first time Ive seen you since last November..
my family and I arrived late so we had to stand. and where i was standing was directly opposite of where you were sitting in the choir. for the whole hour i couldn't help but feel self conscious. which lead to being nervous which lead to feeling hot which lead to feeling self conscious again. till now, my hands are shaking. i tried my best to listen to the priest or whoever was up at the stand, but the thing is you were sitting just a few meters around beside it .. so whenever i looked up you were there.. so after the hour i had to meet up with my friend ninoshka to say hi and give her the money for jamberoo. so we talked for a little until i noticed the people in the choir were leaving and of course trying not run into him, i left. being late for mass we were parked outside the church across the street. once i got out i noticed the car behind ours, it was his dad waiting for him. again i avoided eye contact and pretended i never noticed him.

ARGH! :( yes i really don't care anymore .. but i don't know :( just please do me a favour, i dont want to see you for at least a year or something then i'll be fine. please..

ihy

i fucking hate you.
i swear ive gotten over you already. i dont give a fuck what you do, what your listening to, who your talking to. and yet here i am still ranting on about you. motherfucker. why cant you just leave me alone. when im alone i find myself wondering about you, and the times we had. even when i dont want to, you just simply come out of no where. FUCK!
i hate you. i hate you. i hate you.
maybe i dont. maybe i do. fuck i dont know!

i blame you for making me like this. for making me into someone i dont like.

there was a moment when i was happy with you. but then i guess thats the relationship time period. as i was told by a friend.. "the first two months are usually the lovey dovey times, but then after that, it all goes away." and yes, i find that true.

fuck! and it fucking pisses me off like to the fucking max that you dont even care at all. you act like nothing ever happened.

FUCK; I HATE YOU.

fyaa

no waaait.. fuck that.. im not sleeping tonight.. at all..

fuck you

motherchuckerrr

i woke up today with a smile on my face. LOL naah not really. but i felt happy. why? because i was sure that i was finally over you. so the day went on.. i was text messaging, calling, facebook mailing and msn.ing people all day. so clearly i was busy. until something out of no where came onto the screen. and there it was.. you in my head again. after asking you if you were going to "see what other people were like" and you answering "no, ive had too many already". i see your swimming in the ocean again.

when i saw.. whatever popped up onto my screen.. at first i was likee "WTF?!" then i didnt care.. but then the emotions started kicking in.. i was cut and hurt. even when i really shouldnt care anymore.. i still felt like shit. then after a while i started getting the emotion of hatred. yeah i had that other post about not hating you at all.. but really.. i can hate you. i hate you for making me feel like ive been used. i hate you for making me believe in bullshit.

i want to make you feel the hurt im hurting now. but fucking hell. even when a certain someone is offering me help to get back at him.. i still cant do it. motherfuckerr!

GAAAAAAH :@

and tonight.. i shall sleep with anger and hate running through every single fucking vein and artery in my body.

question&answer

not too long ago i was asked the following question..

"why do you choose to be in a relationship?"

it took me about three days to answer. and when i did, my answer was this..

"because its better than being alone. I'd rather have my significant other, than not have him at all. and even if it may not be the most perfect relationship, at least i still have him."

elaborating on that.. when i said its better than being alone, alone as in "single". yes there are the positive things about being single, but come on i know in all of us, we all want that significant other. someone who will return that special emotion that you have for them. someone who will care for you as much as you care for them. and all the other things that people do as a couple. As for myself, i guess i can say im one of those people who cant really stand to be "alone". and as clingy and desperate as that may sound, i am NOT. i just want that person who i can love.

love; a feeling of warm personal attachment, as for a friend, parent, child, etc. - according to Macquarie Pocket Dictionary.

and even when the relationship is cruising on a rough road, having its constant dilemmas and problems and fights, at least in the end i still have that person.

and now.. being "alone" feels kind of weird. but this is where the positive things about being single kicks in.. im in year 1O this year, and i can concentrate on the school certificate. LOL so a break from boys should be alright. byebyee :) haha not guaranteeing n that . :L

i guess the key to a good relationship is trust, honesty and most of all love. with that, a relationship is sure to last.

LOL but hey, who am i to talk. :L bleeeh just sharing whats in my mind :)

adjrkstyks

and maybe the real reason why she wants to hate you is not because you broke her heart, but maybe because you now made her a part of your "ex-girlfriend list" and for making her believe she was different and for making it seem like you don't care at all.